Bereavement question.. How am I supposed to be feeling?

[Callum Jay 10/06/09!<3]

Please don't judge me :/

My grandma got taken into hospital.. She was in there 2 weeks all together. After a week or so, she'd been diagnosed with lung cancer. Then, a few days later we were told there was nothing they could do.. Then 2 days after that she passed away.

I was so upset when she was ill, it was all I could think about. Now she's gone it's like I don't feel ANYTHING.

I've never lost anyone I've loved so much before, we were really really close. My whole family are upset, and they'll all randomly burst into tears, but I don't? The only times I've cried are the two times I saw her after she'd passed, And her funeral.. And a few nights. Why?

It's like I'm completely numb.. It's not like I'm not bothered, I am! And I think about her all the time. But I'll think of certain situations.. Like if me and my fiance broke up, I couldn't imagine being upset.. And if I lost my house I don't think I'd care. Is this normal?

I feel really awful, not being more upset. My family keep saying "We're so proud of you for being really strong".. But I'm not? I'm getting on with things, though. I don't get it, why am I not upset?
..That sounds bad. Of course I'm upset. I love her so much.. I just don't get what I'm feeling?