F-ed up family drama--grandma is dying and NO ONE is on the same page?

[Elsie]

My grandmother is dying. She is 97 years old and has been in as close to excellent heath as a nonogenarian can be. In the past 6 months she has rapidly declined, but has (thank God) maintained her mental facilities.

My aunt lives in the same town where my grandma lives. My mom and I live 500 miles away. My aunt is the youngest sibling; mom is the oldest. My aunt has medical power of attorney.

My mom is convinced the my grandma is dying, which is probably true, but she acts like she's already dead. My aunt on the other hand, acts like grandma is fine and is going to live another 5 healthy years. My mom is calling her sister long distance telling her she needs to make funeral arrangements and call hospice to attend to grandma's last weeks; my aunt is getting mad at my mom. Consequently, my mom is afraid to call her own mother and talk to her. When she does, she feels like she is "going behind the back" of her sister. On the other hand, I talk to my aunt and she is fine.

This whole mess is complicated by the fact that grandma says one thing to one person and something different to someone else. I talk to her every couple days and she says things like "oh, I'll have to tell you all about that some day", or "I'll tell you about that the next time I see you". She says the same kinds of things to my mom and my aunt, like she is trying to protect us all from the reality that she's not much longer for this Earth.

Fact: The doctor has said grandma realistically doesn't have more than 2 weeks.

Fact: The chaplain at the nursing home says grandma has confided in her that she doesn't want to try to get better and just wants to let go and die.

Fact: My mom calls her and talks to her and says she is confused. I call her the next day and she is tired but lucid.

To compound the issue, my dad is calling me asking if it's okay if he goes to the funeral (my parents are divorced) and (according to him) my mom doesn't want my younger brother, who is another 200 miles farther away, to know what's going on with grandma.

My mom left today to go there. I can't leave until Tuesday, hoping that it's not too late to see her before she goes, but knowing it's a real possibility.

I really don't know what I'm asking...maybe I want to know what to expect? or advice on how I should deal with my elders (mom and aunt)? I know if I'm alone with grandma, we can talk openly and honestly, but not if my mom and her sister are around. My mom has already said that she plans to spend as much time as possible with her until I get there. Then she and my aunt are going to start sorting through grandma's things once I get there, so I can have some alone time with her. But I don't know if this is something she has "cleared" with my aunt, or if it's just what she has decided on her own.

I am completely respectful of the fact that this is their mother, not mine...I'm just not sure what to expect when we are all finally together.